Friday, August 22nd, 2008
you cretin!
Quad bikes are very different from other four-wheeled animals I have experienced. To a quad bike a speed bump means speed-up not speed-down, they crave boulders and craters and boobly bits… oops sorry I meant bobbly bits ( I could have editted that out but instead I’ll just leave the unconscious psychology of that typo… what’s the definition of a Freudian slip? when you say one thing and mean your mother teehee…. shut up now Loz… ok). 
Where was I, ah yes bouncing and bobbling about on the back of a quad buggy! weeeeee!
Jonny and I bravely faced the blazing heat and sorching sunshine of high-noon Crete (someone’s got to) and intrepidly rode out to hunt down some local ancient ruins.
After a minor diversion of frappes by the harbourside in Hernissosissosos ( by the way if you want to pretend to speak Greek, just add about fifty superflious vowels, s’s and th’s…. ” I livethos in Brisostolissosissesos” - easy. ), ANYWAY… after we faced the extreme dangers of ferociously ice-cold coffee and ceaseless lapping of the untamable Mediterranean sea…. [pause for effect]…. we climbed for minute after treacherous minute to reach the dizzying heights of a mountain almost twenty foot seven inches above sea level, and discover the moderately possibly never before seen ( in the previous 5 minutes) ruinous site.
Wiping the sweat from our buttocks we carefully inspected the mosaics, pillar bases, series of small walls and concrete with an air of awe and respect for this ancient and knowledgable peopl.. hold up?!! erm, why is this mosaic filled in with plaster and concrete? and this pillar is crazy paved… nooooo!! …. we’ve been duped! It’s not ancient after all!!
It is a little known and even littler substantiated fact that Jonny and I are indeed experts in archeological detectivetry-ation-ism. Jonny with his immaculate powers in eye-sight carbon pruning immediately dated the crazy-paving to somewhere after the middle-ages while I with my immaculate heightened sense of taste… stood there looking very stylish in the sunshine as we jointly pronounced the site, “possibly old, but blinged up for the suckers” and wandered off to poke crabs in rock pools.
pokey pokey.